Kent: "I love you a lot a lot a lot."
Kai: "I love you very very very much."
Kent: "You smell like stuffing and butter." (statement of fact)
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
*Via text message*
Kent: I brought my ivy plant home so it wouldn't die but my cat keeps trying to eat it.
Kai: That's fantastic.
Kent: My cat is fucking dumb...the boy one is anyway. To bad he's also cuter.
Kai: Guess me and your cat have something in common then...
Kent: What, you're both cute or you're both dumb?
Kai: Cute, smartass.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Cracked Out From Finals
Kent: Cat Matt, I want to die.
Cat Matt: I want to die too, but can we make up our own language?
*5 seconds later*
Cat Matt: I made a funny.
Lilias: Yeah, what did you do?
Cat Matt: Elizabeth, what did I do?
Mustache Man
Riss: Some guy with a huge mustache just walked in.
Kai: He's probably fixing something.
Riss: Yeah... but his mustache... it was epic. Like you could hide shit in it.
Kai: Like M&Ms? Birds?
Riss: Like writing utensils.
3AM Musings
Kai: Can you please fix your hair? You kind of look like a used hooker.
CatMatt: (gapes)
Kent: Anyone up at 3AM should be a used hooker.
CatMatt: (gapes)
Kent: Anyone up at 3AM should be a used hooker.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Utensils Anonymous
Kai: (looks at Maddy eating yogurt) What is that?
Maddy: It's a fondue fork....silverware's running low.
MaryCeline: Are you ridiculous right now?!
Maddy: It's a fondue fork....silverware's running low.
MaryCeline: Are you ridiculous right now?!
Finals Fun
Rissa: What's up with everyone having straw spoons now? They're like the Uggs of cutlery!
-------------
Rissa: I eat beef jerky and watch sports. I'm datable!
Kai: And you drink beer. The lesbians would love you.
-------------
Rissa: I eat beef jerky and watch sports. I'm datable!
Kai: And you drink beer. The lesbians would love you.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Never Leave Home Without Them
(conversation ensues about bra inserts)
Kai: Speaking of Marissa's boobs...
Rissa: Yeah I left those at home on the coffee table.
Kai: Speaking of Marissa's boobs...
Rissa: Yeah I left those at home on the coffee table.
What Finals Do
(discussing an incident that occurred the day prior to the conversation)
Kai: When did it happen?
Rissa: Tomorrow---I mean yesterday.
Kai: When did it happen?
Rissa: Tomorrow---I mean yesterday.
Food for Thought
(on Adium)
Rissa: How do you spell happy?
Kai: ?
Rissa: P-I-Z-Z-A
(After pizza is delivered)
Lola: Marissa, are you P-I-Z-Z-A now?
--------------------------------------------------
(Tanner sits down with a mug)
Lola: Is there hot chocolate?
Tanner: No.
Kai: (looks in Tanner's mug) What is that?
Tanner: Hot chocolate.
Rissa: How do you spell happy?
Kai: ?
Rissa: P-I-Z-Z-A
(After pizza is delivered)
Lola: Marissa, are you P-I-Z-Z-A now?
--------------------------------------------------
(Tanner sits down with a mug)
Lola: Is there hot chocolate?
Tanner: No.
Kai: (looks in Tanner's mug) What is that?
Tanner: Hot chocolate.
What the Future Holds...
Rissa: I have no concept of a good income.
Kai: Income is a good income. Money coming in, that's good enough for me.
Kai: Income is a good income. Money coming in, that's good enough for me.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Some 2nd floor Classics...
Poon: DISEASED VAG! AHHHHHHHHH!!! *Runs screaming out of the room.*
"I call this the pack mule because I pack things in your ass." -Marta, buttsexing me while walking.
--------------------
--------------------
Marta - "What did you think would happen?" (Talking about going to see Dante.)
Me + Caitlin - "Buttsex!" *High five!*
--------------------
"You look like you're having slow motion ADD." -Me to Marta at lunch
--------------------
(Talking about Marta's boyfriend visiting this weekend.)
Me: "Can I make him feel awkward?"
Marta: "How?"
Me: "I'll tell him his girlfriend frequently buttsexes me."
Marta: "Oh, I told him about that."
Me: "That's creepy..."
--------------------
Me: "You should only respect people if they're paying you."
Lindsey: "That's the first thing you learn as a Jew."
--------------------
Caitlin: "Don't put it on facebook until Wednesday! They don't know yet!"
--------------------
"I call this the pack mule because I pack things in your ass." -Marta, buttsexing me while walking.
--------------------
Marta - "We hugged for like a solid 5-10 minutes."
Lindsey - "Didn't it get awkward? Didn't you get hungry?"
--------------------
Marta - "What did you think would happen?" (Talking about going to see Dante.)
Me + Caitlin - "Buttsex!" *High five!*
--------------------
"You look like you're having slow motion ADD." -Me to Marta at lunch
--------------------
(Talking about Marta's boyfriend visiting this weekend.)
Me: "Can I make him feel awkward?"
Marta: "How?"
Me: "I'll tell him his girlfriend frequently buttsexes me."
Marta: "Oh, I told him about that."
Me: "That's creepy..."
--------------------
Me: "You should only respect people if they're paying you."
Lindsey: "That's the first thing you learn as a Jew."
--------------------
Caitlin: "Don't put it on facebook until Wednesday! They don't know yet!"
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
What's yours?
Almas to Marissa: "What's your middle name?"
Marissa: "Elizabeth."
Almas: "Oh. How WHITE."
Marissa: "Elizabeth."
Almas: "Oh. How WHITE."
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
This is how you gain the freshman 15...
Kent's Mom: Why so much sugar?
Kent: What?
Mom: The Rice Krispie Treat and the Red Bull have a ton of sugar.
Kent: (mumbling through some Rice Krispie treat) It tastes good.
Mom: But it makes you antsy, and then when the sugar dissipates you get hungry.
Kent: ...So then I eat again.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Not Talbot friends, but..
If you ever wonder where Tanner gets it from...
Tanner's mom: My face hurts from talking too much! (and she says this drunkenly)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
and all of this was over lunch
Ranger: Then the second wave feminists came, and Smith went to shit.
Hannah: OH! You're talking about drinking!
Ranger: No shit, sherlock.
Lola: We're talking in code so that Crystal doesn't know what we're talking about.
Lola: We need a code word for rum. Like "apple juice."
Marissa: Lola loves apple juice.
Lola: Marissa has a big jug of apple juice.
Marissa: But why is the apple juice gone??
Hannah: OH! You're talking about drinking!
Ranger: No shit, sherlock.
Lola: We're talking in code so that Crystal doesn't know what we're talking about.
Lola: We need a code word for rum. Like "apple juice."
Marissa: Lola loves apple juice.
Lola: Marissa has a big jug of apple juice.
Marissa: But why is the apple juice gone??
Monday, November 24, 2008
Star Wars + Talking = Misheard Amusements
Crystal: "Did I say uterus? 'Cuz I meant to say piercing."
On the Fence
discussing Crystal's accident where a part of the fence went through her leg*
Kent: [imitating Crystal] "I don't care where you touch me, just get me off!!"
Kai: [smiles] "That's what she said!"
*Crystal is fine, by the way...it wasn't a serious incident, just a minor accident that required antibiotics and a subtle yet amusing limp
Kent: [imitating Crystal] "I don't care where you touch me, just get me off!!"
Kai: [smiles] "That's what she said!"
*Crystal is fine, by the way...it wasn't a serious incident, just a minor accident that required antibiotics and a subtle yet amusing limp
Sunday, November 23, 2008
No Sensor
Crystal: Why is it taking you so long to type?
Silence...
Crystal: I just talked to my computer out loud... dangit (hangs head)
Silence...
Crystal: I just talked to my computer out loud... dangit (hangs head)
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Baby Butt
Marissa: I'm pretty sure it's for baby butts, but it's great for sensitive skin.
-While sexily applying lotion to her nose during a sinus infection.
-While sexily applying lotion to her nose during a sinus infection.
Is that a muffin in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Almas hands Marissa her muffin: Will you take this back to the house for me? I have to go into town and I don't want this bulge in my pocket.
Riss: bursts out laughing.
Almas: If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, just stop.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Tanner: We don't have Jews where I'm from. But you don't have black people.
Rissa: There weren't a lot of black people at my high school because I went to a Catholic school. Not a lot of the blacks are Catholic.
Kent: A lot of Jews aren't Catholic, too!* two minutes later*
Kent: What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Jews aren't Catholic!
Maybe "crazy" is his type
(talking about getting rid of some guy)
Riss: I try everything to make myself look crazy! Like I have tons of emotional baggage, have a drinking problem, listen to shitty music, I'm obsessed with Christmas..Lola: .. all of which are true.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Mexican Wedding Food...yum!
(talking about Mexican Wedding cookies)
Kai: Think about it though. They just look like a hardened lump of dough. But then you eat them and they taste like heaven. It's a mindfuck but with a cookie.
Kai: Think about it though. They just look like a hardened lump of dough. But then you eat them and they taste like heaven. It's a mindfuck but with a cookie.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
That's What She Didn't Have to Say
Riss: Yes! Meat Loaf just came on my shuffle! ... Oh my God that sounded awful.
Crystal: She didn't even have to say it.
Dominant Vaginas
(discussing who does and doesn't follow the Talbot house menstrual cycle)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
You're a Mean Girl, You're a BITCH!
Kent: "Mean Girls? Of course I have Mean Girls. It's like my life in a DVD case."
It's a Queer Queer World
CatMatt: (talking about the gay pride flag) "That should just be a flag for everyone."
Kent: "Not everyone can be as cool as the gays."
Kent: "Not everyone can be as cool as the gays."
Best Thing Crystal Has Ever Done
Kai talking about the papers he has to write:
Kai: FUCK ME!
Crystal: *Makes a suggestive head gesture at Kent towards Kai.*
Thank God it's only in my head
Ranger: My laptop is burning my lef
Ranger: *leg
Riss: Wow, my train of thought was fucked up on that one.
Ranger: ?
Riss: In my head, when I saw "lef" it was "left" and then I instinctually followed it with the word "nut."
Translation: My laptop is burning my left nut...
Explode
Riss: I have had the beginning of this sentence up to where the verb should be for about 30 min now and I have no idea what to do with it
Lola: put in the verb "explodes" and see what happens
Riss: "Weber's ideal type for status-based stratification explodes..."
Lola: put in the verb "explodes" and see what happens
Riss: "Weber's ideal type for status-based stratification explodes..."
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Inappropriate
During dinner at the Teapot:
Lindsey: Being appropriate is boring.
Kent: Should I take my shirt off? Would that be inappropriate enough for you?
Lindsey: Being appropriate is boring.
Kent: Should I take my shirt off? Would that be inappropriate enough for you?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Tomato, Tomahto
Riss: You can close that draw if it's in your way.
Crystal: What?
Riss: The draw, you can close it if it's in your way.
Crystal: Are you saying "drawer?"
Riss: Yeah, draw.
Friday, November 14, 2008
One for the History Books
"But when I eat a mango, I cut it up. You just don't do that with a girl."
Gar, discussing the feminine sexual innuendo equivalent of a banana
Gar, discussing the feminine sexual innuendo equivalent of a banana
So then what's the hamburger?
Kai: "Camel Lights are gross."
Rory: "That's because Camel Lights are the bologna of cigarettes. And cloves are the steak."
Rory: "That's because Camel Lights are the bologna of cigarettes. And cloves are the steak."
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Keeping the Man Down
Kai on his Celebration chalking being covered by leaves:
Kai: This is oppression! They're keeping the man down!
Kent: Isn't it supposed to be the man keeping you down?
Kai: No, this is a women's college.
Kent: Oh yeah...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Shit
Amanda: UHHH I hate this assignment! I just wanna poop all over it!
Later on...
Riss: Dude, we just made asses out of ourselves in front of everyone.
Amanda: Um, I believe I was the one talking about spreading my feces everywhere.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Midnight Snack
Kent: Ohh whatcha got? Yogurt.
Cat Mat: Yeah and my fridge is super cold, so it's like frozen.
Kent and Riss: Ooooh so it's like... frozen yogurt.
Riss:... actually that's exactly what it is...
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Good morning sunshine
Crystal: When are leaving?
Kai: 5:30 tomorrow MORNING.
Crystal: That's BAD. 5:30 is just bad. If you're up til then, it's bad. If you wake up then, it's bad. It's just BAD.
Who Needs Men?
Marissa: There is only one man that truly understands me, Frank Sinatra.
Crystal: That's the way I feel about Elvis.
When Close Friends Get Too Close
Crystal to Marissa: Where have you been?! I came to your room and you weren't there and then I tried calling you but you didn't answer. I thought you were lost somewhere or something happened and I was so worried because I missed... one meal with you...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Voting
Lola to the elderly gentleman upon entering the polling place wearing a Democrat T-shirt: Should I take my shirt off?
Old man: ....
Catching up
Since this semester has been rich with quotable gems, I've decided to dedicate a blog solely dedicated to recording them.
Crystal: Riss, I'm nervous about this election. What if all the white people are lying?
Riss: You know you're white, right?
--------------------------
Riss: I don't even want to brush my teeth. I just want to let my body rot.
--------------------------
Kai: See this? This is the pile of nerd and it's getting bigger.
--------------------------
Crystal: So you went to a co-ed school?
Lola: Yeah
Crystal: What was that like?
Lola: Yeah
Crystal: What was that like?
---------------------------------
Caroline: No, you smell like Marissa.
Me:... and that smells like....
Caroline: Marissa smells like coffee, candles, and hair.
Me:... and that smells like....
Caroline: Marissa smells like coffee, candles, and hair.
---------------------------------
Kai: Do you like Girls Like Boys?
Kent: No.
Kai: Why not?
Crystal: Heteronormativity
Kent: No.
Kai: Why not?
Crystal: Heteronormativity
--------------------------------
Kai: I feel like I just fell into someone's ass!
--------------------------------
Kai on kosher hot dogs: They're still made out of animal reject parts. They're just killed properly.
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