Nickname

Cat Matt: I'm going to change my nickname. Call me Dog Rug.

We Didn't Start the Fire

Kai: "Never play with a lighter after using hand sanitizer...you never know where the alcohol hasn't evaporated yet. Remember that."
Rissa: "Did you just light yourself on fire?"
Kai: "....no? OK fine. Yes."
Rissa: "WHAT?! are you OK?!"
Kai: "It's fine. It went out quick. It was like the time I accidentally lit my bathrobe on fire. No big deal."

My New Life Plan

Kent: I'm gonna quit school and become a hairdresser.

Cat Matt: You could make mad bills doing that.

Kent: I'll be a lesbian hairdresser.

Cat Matt: You could have your own TV show. On Bravo. They love that shit.

(watching She's All That)

Kent: "Eww! That was touching his penis!"
Rissa: "I'm sure she has, too."

(Talking about magnetic poetry)

Kai: When I bought them they were supposed to be fun, but now they just fall off the fridge and stick to my feet when I walk barefoot. 

Riss: Men suck! I hate them!

Lola: Me too! Let's become Amazons!

Riss: OK... can I keep both my boobs though?

Kent: It's weird that you tip someone to wax your vag.

Riss: Yeah, it's kind of like paying a hooker... except there's no pleasure involved.

Kent: I got kicked out of a gay bar over break.

Catmatt: Did you show them your boobs?

Kent: No, it was a GAY BAR.

Guest Appearance by Steve Waksman

(Discussing "Cherry Bomb" by The Runaways)

Steve: "So the guitar solo comes, and so does the singer apparently."

Star-Crossed Lovers, I'd Say

(talking about I Love You, Man)

Rissa: "It wasn't that great..."
CatMatt: “But he had a speech impediment and made up words. He was like, my soulmate!”

Back 3 Seconds...

Lola: "Guess what they did!!!"
Rissa: "What did you did?!"

Models...

(Talking about how she looks kind of like Cintia Dicker, a model)

Cat Matt: So all I need to do is be anorexic and get lip injections and I'll be fine, right?

Word Play

(via AIM)

Kai: "Ever notice how 'ostracism' has 'racism' in it?"
Kai: "Where does the 'ost' come from?"
Kai: "Ostrich?"
Rissa: "Yes."
Rissa: "It's the hatred of Blacks and large birds."

I see London, I see France...I see Kai's underpants!

Kai: Pumpkins, or robots?

...I really need more grown-up underwear. But pumpkins, or robots?

Kent: Robots.

Kai (via AIM): I just spelled "coffee" "O-R-C-E-R-R-F"

Oh Childhood Memories...

Cat Matt: I remember those...

Kent: I was never coordinated enough for those.

Kai: Isn't that a jump rope?

kinsey in da house

Lola: I know Tanner and I...
Crystal: WHAT?
Lola: huh?
Crystal: I thought you were going to say "hooked up."
Lola: NO!
Crystal: I was about to say-- DISCUSSION TIME! COMPUTERS DOWN!

Lola: Everyone's gay... except for Marissa.

Riss: Why am I always the not gay one?

Lola: Because you're always the only not gay one.

Riss: Oh.

Marquela: Lola fail.

Lola: OH NO! Now you're saying it too!

Vag!

(Cat Matt talking about her possibly homophobic friend coming visit)

Cat Matt: Don't freak Anna out.

Kent: How would I freak her out? I have a boyfriend.

Cat Matt: Don't like, talk about your vagina.

CatMatt: I've used "Mother Nature" like 5 times in this paragraph.

Lola: Say "The Divine Feminine"

CatMatt: What the fuck are you talking about? Your vagina?

Kent: Are you two drinking?
Lola: No, of course not! We're doing homework!
Kent: Did I say drinking? I meant thinking!

Riss: I just want to get married and have a baby. Is that asking so much?

Lola: You're a bad Smithie.

Kent: I hate kids.

Lola: You're a good Smithie.

Riss: I have to piss... DOES THAT MAKE ME A GOOD SMITHIE?!

While watching Legally Blonde:

Cat Matt: This would never happen.

Kent: Why?

Cat Matt: Because you don't get smart in like, four scenes.