I'll do anything for food...

Kent to Kai, via AIM: If I'm not getting free pizza out of it, I don't need sketchy guys checking me out.

there was tequila involved, too

Elaine, Erica's Roommate: What school are you at, again?
Lola: Smith.
Erica, Lola's BFF since 7th grade: *fondly* My little preppy lesbian.

It's not alcoholism if you're not drinking alone

Kent: Yeah, I have class tomorrow *pours a shot.*

The Way to the Heart...

Kai: "Chocolate is the food of love, and the greatest comfort after human-to-human contact."
Crunch: "And mac 'n cheese."

French Homework

Shari-Marie: Why are teeth feminine? Oh right, because vaginas have teeth.

Burn!

Kai: I'll have sex with you if you write my paper.

Kent: Not worth it.

Kai: Owww.

Kent: What?

Kai: The hair on my stomach is poking through my shirt...and I didn't realize that's what it was until I pulled it out.

Kai: My computer is racist.

Kent: How?

Kai: It capitalizes "Caucasian."

Kent: Aren't you supposed to capitalize "Caucasian?"

Kai: No...well, you can, but you don't have to. My computer forces it upon me.

extremely out of context fyi

kai: wow lola, that's really good.
lola: what?
kai: your vagina.
lola: it's cute, isn't it??

Don Quixote is the new Captain Morgan

(via AIM)
Kai: "Somehow I feel you would do something like this while drunk: (268): she thought 'don quixote' was a type of tequila."
Lola: "I KNOW WHO HE IS! I wouldn't confuse Don Quixote with a type of tequila."
Lola: "But I'm flattered that you thought of me."

Keep Going, and Going, and Going...

(While watching a commercial for Energizer batteries)

Kent: You know, you should use Energizer batteries for vibrators. Then they'd keep going!

More About Boobs

Kai: "You slapped her in the tit!"
Kent: "I didn't slap it. I bumped it. Like Bump It!"
Kai: "Bump It?! You mean BOP It?!"

Boobs?

Kai: "Why are you playing with your boob?"
Kent: "I'm not playing. I'm bouncing it."

(Via AIM)

Kent: Lesbian.

Lola: I wish I was. Just like I wish I was a Jew. I wish I was a Jewish lesbian. I want to be you, Kent.

Cheer me up!

Lola: I need you to cheer me up.

Kent: How?

Lola: By being you!

Kent: Oh, I thought you were gonna ask for like, sex or something.

Riddle Me This

Lola: "What gets wetter as it dries?"
Kai: "Your mom."
Kent: "Spaghetti."
Crystal: "A towel."

"Udderly" Hilarious...

(at a petting zoo, checking out the animals)
Tanner: "WHOA! Check out the udders on THAT one!"

Penis!

(Talking about Kent's drawing of a penis on Tanner's whiteboard)

Kai: Your penises look weird.

Kent: How many penises have you seen?

Kai: More than you, apparently.

Kent: I have seen...two.

Tanner: God, I feel like a whore.

Crystal: Jacoby Ellsbury is the Chuck Norris of baseball

Reading Reading...

Kent: "Sometimes I get sick of reading about lesbians. Is that bad?"
Crystal: "Sometimes I would get sick of reading about Africans."

There are limits...

Kai: Can I call you Granola Crunch?

Treacy: You can call me whatever you want!

Kent: Can I call you vagina-face?

Treacy: No. At least not in public.

Kent: You have an ex???
Crystal: Yes.
Kent: Sorry, I just think of you as-
Crystal: Celibate?
Kent: Yes.

Sox Games

(upon hearing the game announcer mention the sunny weather at Yankee Stadium)

Crystal: "Of course it's sunny there. It's Hell. It's from the fire!"

(Trying to help Hannah make up a logic puzzle)

Crystal: Three Talboteers walk into a bar...no, that's a true story.

Roommate Contract

From the topics covered in this kit, what are some areas you feel we may have significant differences?

Kent: "You're a boy."
Kai: "You're a Jew."

True Story.

(via AIM)
Kai: "Wanna go to the liquor store?"
Lola: "Silly question. Let me put on a bra."

Common Sense

Kent: "I'm trying to see if he's a Republican. It says, 'Political Views: Common Sense.' He's a Democrat."

boobs!

Treacy: I invited Marta.

Kent: To come see my boobs?

Gifts that are Weird to Give

Crystal: "On Facebook, I got this message that says 'This person has just sent you a horse. Would you like to give one back?' "
Kent: "You should accept it!"
Crystal: "No! Because then she'll give me a farm, and that's something I don't want!"

This Is What Happens After COllege

Crystal: "What are those things called?"
Kent: "A book?"

And the Awkward Returns...

(Marta, standing awkwardly)
Marta: "This feels natural."
Kai: "That should NEVER feel natural..."

(Marta, sitting on Treacy's lap)
Marta: "Did you just LICK my BACK?!"
Treacy: "No! I nuzzled it!"

AIM funny

(So I'm on AIM and check my Talbot Mensa Buddy list (it's separate from the rest of Smith, like we should be haha) and notice that Kent and Kai are both asleep on AIM and comment on this out loud to myself)

Crystal: Awww Kent and Kai are sleeping together

Just Keep Swimming...

(talking to Jiggly about my beta)
Kai: "Holy shit! They live and average of 3 YEARS!!"
Kai: "That means my fish is gonna have a midlife crisis soon."

tight jeans...oh my!

(via AIM)

Kent: The time has come to put on my jeans. Wish me luck.

Kai: Buena suerte.

Kent: Crap.

Kai: ?

Kent: I forgot to pee first.

Kai: Hahahahahaha.

Homonyms

Kai: "It pisses me off when people try to put meaningful things in their fb status, but they spell it wrong. Like "Courage, don't dessert me."
Kai: "To me, that says, 'Courage, don't turn me into an ice cream sundae.'"
Rissa: "Haha. Courage doesn't torch me like a creme brulee."

I read fast, so sue me

Discussing a book that I bought about 2 hours before this conversation:

Kent: I finished my book.
Kai: You finished your book!? But you just bought that today!
Kent: (sad voice) I know!
Kai: What are you going to do tomorrow??
Kent: ...drive home?
Kai: Oh yeah.

Watching a movie and this Gem came out

Crystal: Porn is not a background noise. You're either watching it or you're not!"

Cotton Ball Wall

-Kai describing the experience of taking Percocet-

kaixpie (6:58:55 PM): I can describe exactly how it feels

kaixpie (6:59:18 PM): It feels exactly like running into a brick wall covered in millions of cotton balls

kaixpie (7:00:07 PM): it stops you dead in your tracks, but with a beautifully soft cushion

divachic1717 (7:00:17 PM): hahahahahahah

Riss: My biological clock is thumping away

Crystal: Mine too - it has been since around 16 I think... they're accelerated in the South.

Rissa: I'm going to be 22 in a week. Well, there's another prime child-bearing year GONE.
(beat)
OMG I'm a terrible feminist!!! Where the HELL did that come from!?

Non-heteronormative much?

(via AIM)

Discussing the fact that I've started wearing makeup to work:

Kai: -sigh- why?

Kent: Dunno...I like purple eyeshadow? Why?

Kai: Idk...I was concerned that you might've been giving in to the expectations of femininity.

Gloria Steinem would Sic Christian Bale on you for that one...

(via AIM)

Kent: "I'm not concerned with my health, I'm concerned with my weight."
Kent: "BAD FEMINIST!"
Kent: "BAD"

Cybersex... JUST KIDDING! Got your attention though...

Lola: I met him on the Internet... I feel slightly pathetic.
Riss: Haven't you seen "You've Got Mail"?! He's the Tom Hanks to your Meg Ryan!
Lola: Diamonds are the friendliest flowers!

...........


(See following post for clarification on that last statement)

Lola Being Lola

Lola: Diamonds are the friendliest flower.
(beat)
Lola: haha I mixed up two IMs. DAISIES are the friendliest flowers! I had a beer on an empty stomach. It's Lola being Lola!

(Upon walking into the Clark Hall reception office, which has been redecorated via an Ikea adventure)

Kent: It's kind of dark in here.

Andria: It's Zen.

(A few minutes later, while I'm rubbing Kai's belly)

Kai: I'm not Buddha.

Kent: It's Zen, and you're the Buddha!

It's not a Talboteer, but no one updates anymore so I am

(Kiwi is showing me a costume-ish top she bought)

Kent: I see Peter Pan.
Kiwi: But when will I ever wear this?
Kent: Halloween.

Kent: Wait, do they have Halloween in England?
Kiwi: Yes...

Clark Hall

(reading Yahoo!'s Odd News headlines)

Kai: "Man dresses up as dead mom in weird scam."
Meggan: "Like in Psycho?"
Kai: "Yeah, I guess so."
Meggan: "UGGHH, Why do they need to?!"

Cash Cab Guy: According to Urban Dictionary, what is the term used to describe girls who are too old for toys but too young for boys?

Rissa: Prosti-tots!!!!

Correct answer was "tweens"

Kai on New York having to vote on gay marriage by June 22nd:

"They better fuckin do it or i'mma drive over to Albany and stick my foot up someone's ass...wrapped in a rainbow flag with glitter and feathers."

Creeper McCreeperson

Rissa: "OK I"m off to bed."
Kai: "Okie doke...I'll prolly see ya in dreamland shortly."
Kai: "WHY DOES THAT SOUND CREEPY EVERY TIME I SAY IT?!"
Rissa: "Uhh, cuz it's a creepy thing to say."
Kai: "True story. Goodnight!"
Rissa: "Goodnight!"

Friends Don't Let Friends....

(talking about her two friends via AIM)
Kent: "They totally wanna do each other."
Kai: "Um, thanks for telling me about your friends' sexual interests."

Tweet, Tweet

Kai: "I have a confession."
Crystal: "Uh huh..."
Kai: "Uhm...I gave in to Twitter. BUT--I refuse to become a Tweethead."
Crystal: "You already know the lingo!"
Kai: "No, I made that up."
Crystal: "You're already contributing to the lingo!"

Continuing with the synonyms

Riss: Melanie is synonymous with insurance liability

Talking about Geotea lawncare

Riss: I bet it smells like poop though. Organic is like synonymous with poop.

Abruptly following a debate about who killed whom in the event that both members of a couple die of a heart attack during sex...

Kai: Guys, how can you tell if a fish is choking?

Kent and Riss: ...

(To Kai via AIM)

Kent: So I was reading Cosmo again...Cosmo says that you think it's hot when girls wear tight jeans, heels, a white wife beater, and a black bra.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kent: Omg, this Cosmo has SCRATCH AND SNIFF!

[Note: He didn't reply to either of these. Fail.]

This isn't a Talbot person, but she's hilarious and I loved this quote

Erin: You can't heckle Mets fans. It's like kicking the disabled!

Door to Door guy looking for information to educate the underprivileged youth on careers: Do you have an exciting career you can tell me about?

Riss: I just graduated and I'm unemployed and living with my mother... and I'm standing here in my PJs at 2 pm.

Door to door guy: ... How was college?

(Kent is talking)

Kai: Shhhh.

Kent: Sorry...

Kai: No no, I just *motions at the TV*...transsexual hooker.

Maquela: What movie are you watching?
Kai: The Breakfast Club. Except for right now, they’re eating lunch.

Not Pirates?

Kai: "Dude. Navy SEALs are like ninjas."

Kai to Riss: Yeah for someone who burps and drinks beer and eats beef jerky, you're really dainty

Dying

Riss: Oh God! There's something in my eye! Oh God! It won't come out!

Kent: That's what she said.

Riss: Guys, I'm dying! This is not the time for that's what she saids

Lola: It's always time for a that's what she said

Terry: Apparently not when Marissa is dying

Kent: You're not dying. Stop being so dramatic.

Riss: I'm dramatic? I'm not the one who away messages is "dying dying dying dying dying dying"

Terry on Kool Aid: How do you eat this? Just rip off the top and SUCK it?

Riss: I'm studying Lesbian Feminism

Terry: I'm studying the Bible, which is kind of the opposite.

Riss: Of course he tells me about that stuff. I'm like his guy friend. We drink and burp together.

Riss: Yesterday I peed before I went to bed and then I didn't go again until 2 pm the next afternoon.

Terry: That's sick... but GOOD FOR YOU!

Maine Legalizes Gay Marriage

Riss: First Maine, now New Hampshire. One at a time they're like fuckin' dominoes!

-So excited

Two Mommies

Crystal: Lola, fix this...
Lola: I don't know if I can.
Crystal: Come on wifey, fix it for me.
Lola: I can't do it.
Crystal: YOU'RE A LESBIAN, FIX IT!

En Espanol

Cat Matt: Tu quieres un cig-pie?

Kent: Si.

Catmatt: Did you know that penguins are the most sexually flexible animals?

Riss: Even more so than Smithies?

Riss: They mate for life, ya know

Kai: Smithies?

Riss: No, penguins

Especially If They're In the Room

Terry: "Rissa, You should really be careful before you start picking on other people's birth defects."

Lola: I made up a word and it was real!

Caitlin: Really?

Lola: Wait, maybe not...yes, it's real.

Never Gonna Give You Up

Kai on Terry Francona: Whenever I hear his voice I think it's not coming out of him. He's like the Rick Astley of baseball.

Kent: But we can't use the dictionary because it's not real

Riss: Did you just say the dictionary isn't real?

Kent: That's what I said, it's not what I meant!

Definitions...

Kai: "Feminism: a system of beliefs in which women are the shit. There, feminism defined."

We's Gettin' Older

Rissa: "I don't want to describe it to you because that'd be awkward."
Kai: "That's OK. I don't need you to explain your butt pains to me."

But you went to Pride!

Rissa: I love gay people from afar, but not like, mouth to mouth.

If you know what I mean...

While carrying a large box that belongs to Kai:

Caitlin: I like your package.

Kent: Thanks.

Caitlin: It's very large.

Kent: It's not mine, it's Kai's.

(Molly and Heather burst out laughing.)

HEATWAVE!!!!

Kai: "I've given up pleasantries when it comes to scratching my ass in public. Maybe I get away with it because I'm a man, but I just don't give a shit. It's too fucking hot."

No further explanation needed...

Cat Matt: Why did you Google his name?

MC: I have a paper to do.

Sploosh

Catmatt: Should I make sploosh?

Riss: What's Sploosh?

Lola: Goldfish and Ramen.

Catmatt: No, it's WAY more complicated than that.

tv fail.

Lola: He totally just played with his junk on national television.

I like old, dead people..

Cat Matt: Oh my god, Alexander Hamilton was SO hott!

Lola: Yeah, I know!

*while listening to Fergilicious*
Marissa: Sometimes when I listen to this song, I sing 'Rissalicious' instead of "Fergilicious"

Marissa: Everyone grab one boob, so you can't tell one of mine has a problem.
...
KENT, CONFORM!!!

Lola: I think he's gay though. Or at least ragingly bisexual.

Professional MadLibs

Lola: Help me finish this sentence. It's like MadLibs... only it's an application.

so many unanswered questions

Tanner: Can I borrow our moustache?
Lola: Sure. Wait.... 'our' moustache?
Tanner: Did I say that? I meant to say 'the' moustache.
(beat)
Why do we have a moustache anyway?
Lola: I made it.
Tanner: NO WAY!
(beat)
Why did you make a moustache??

Sweet...

Kai: "jooooos"
Caitlin: "It's what you get when you squeeze a synagogue."

Do you really want a baby that badly?

(Walking by the Campus School)

Cat Matt: They're a little too old to steal.

Who's a little homo?

Kent: "That's gay."
Kai: "You're gay."
Kent: "Only half."

Poh-tay-to, poh-tah-to

(debating over the pronunciation of the candy)
Computer speak: "Rees-is Pieces"
Crystal: "Yes! The crazy computer lady confirmed it!"

Riss: If we could take my boobs and your butt and put them in the same person

Crystal: We'd have to beat our husbands off with a stick

Catmatt: How do you spell "inconceivable"?

Kent: I-N-C-O-N-C-E-I-V-A-B-L-E

Catmatt: Nice job, man.

Kent: Thanks, I won a spelling bee in the 5th grade.

Sand?

Cat Matt: Sand...sand...

Kent: Sand?

Cat Matt: Sand.

Rissa: That was deep. Thank you.

Kent: That's what she said!

Overheard from Fussers

Crystal: Is Kent coming?

Rissa: No, she's not hungry.

Crystal: But it's dinner time.

Rissa: I know, but she's not hungry.

Jess: What is bisque anyway?

Leah: It's when you take something hard and make it soft

Don't ask...

Kai: I woke up and you were taking my pants off!

Kent: You were asleep!?

It's a Love/Hate Relationship

Kai: It's so nice out. There's like, birds and shit.

(2 minutes later)

Kai: The birds just came out and already I want to shoot them all.

Lola: I have had two bottles of diet coke, two cans, and a double tall latte. I am never sleeping tonight.
Marissa: I idolize you right now.

Smokers' Corner

(discussing CatMatt being my smoking buddy, via AIM)

Kai: "Cuz you're...well, you're not normal...but you're personable and...well, not human...but you get what I mean."
CatMatt: "Yeah, I feel you."

Lola: Why did you just honk?
Lola's Brother: That car's bumper sticker said "honk if you like cheese."

Catmatt: Oh GOD! That's the most disgusting thing I've ever eaten!

Sophie: What was it?

Catmatt: A green thing.

Kent: There's a creepy Asian guy outside the door.

Catmatt: Yeah, I ordered food.

Easter from a Jewish Perspective

Sophie: Why would you hide eggs?

Kent: Because that's what you do on Easter, hide shit.

Blue: Someday my mosquito bites will turn into juicy juicy mangoes.

Blue on living in Korea:

We lived in the outskirts of a small town outside of a slightly larger small town outside of a city... We just ate a lot of squid.

Men are Apes

Kent: So you think men are apes for fighting, but you like to watch them fight?

Rissa: Yes, I enjoy seeing that I'm a superior being.

Silly straight girl...

Rissa: I will never be fucked by a woman.

Kent: Sucks for you.

Ouch...

Rissa: I like getting waxes.
Lola: Yeah, it's soothing.
Kent: Getting the hair ripped out of your vag is SOOTHING!?
Rissa: Have you ever tried it?
Lola: Don't knock it till you try it.

Lola: I'm listening to Taylor Swift because the only way I can deal with death and genocide...

Kent: Is with Taylor Swift?

Lola: Yes.

(Lola starts dancing.)

Kent: Nice dance moves.

Lola: I'm so white.

Tanner: Guys have asked me if I have a slanted vagina.

Kent: What? You have a slanted vagina?

Tanner: NO! I have a normal vagina!

MO-rissa!!

Kent: What, you'll collaborate with my vagina but you won't make out with me? I'm offended!

[two minutes later]

Kent: Well if you can't make out with me, you can't handle my vagina anyway!

Riss: I like your slippers.

Kent: Thank you.

Riss: They're like purple people eaters.

Kent: So's your mom.

Filling out something on the internet:

Lola: Gender - male or female. They're so heteronormative.

...Granted, I am female.

Riss: We can't get shitfaced on the first day of Finals!

Lola: Sure we can! We have self-scheduled exams!

Caitlin: I just looked up 'masculine' in the dictionary, and the synonyms were... strong, powerful...
Crystal: Heteronormative...

More on Peeing...

Kai: I just took the most EPIC pee!

Sophie: It's like THIS close to masturbation.

Kai: It's like God coming out of your bladder and falling into the toilet

Where's Bobby?

Kai: "There is nothing wrong with a straight man liking Whitney Houston. She's a very talented singer. Well, she was a talented singer. Now she's just a kookoo."

Quitters don't quit.

Kai: I can quit quitting because it's not actually quitting.

Fuck the fucking fuckers...

Kai (via AIM): The vending machine ate my money and when I tried to buy a snack it got stuck...so I lost $1.25 to the fucking science building vending machine and some fucker is gonna get my Peanut M&Ms.

Nickname

Cat Matt: I'm going to change my nickname. Call me Dog Rug.

We Didn't Start the Fire

Kai: "Never play with a lighter after using hand sanitizer...you never know where the alcohol hasn't evaporated yet. Remember that."
Rissa: "Did you just light yourself on fire?"
Kai: "....no? OK fine. Yes."
Rissa: "WHAT?! are you OK?!"
Kai: "It's fine. It went out quick. It was like the time I accidentally lit my bathrobe on fire. No big deal."

My New Life Plan

Kent: I'm gonna quit school and become a hairdresser.

Cat Matt: You could make mad bills doing that.

Kent: I'll be a lesbian hairdresser.

Cat Matt: You could have your own TV show. On Bravo. They love that shit.

(watching She's All That)

Kent: "Eww! That was touching his penis!"
Rissa: "I'm sure she has, too."

(Talking about magnetic poetry)

Kai: When I bought them they were supposed to be fun, but now they just fall off the fridge and stick to my feet when I walk barefoot. 

Riss: Men suck! I hate them!

Lola: Me too! Let's become Amazons!

Riss: OK... can I keep both my boobs though?

Kent: It's weird that you tip someone to wax your vag.

Riss: Yeah, it's kind of like paying a hooker... except there's no pleasure involved.

Kent: I got kicked out of a gay bar over break.

Catmatt: Did you show them your boobs?

Kent: No, it was a GAY BAR.

Guest Appearance by Steve Waksman

(Discussing "Cherry Bomb" by The Runaways)

Steve: "So the guitar solo comes, and so does the singer apparently."

Star-Crossed Lovers, I'd Say

(talking about I Love You, Man)

Rissa: "It wasn't that great..."
CatMatt: “But he had a speech impediment and made up words. He was like, my soulmate!”

Back 3 Seconds...

Lola: "Guess what they did!!!"
Rissa: "What did you did?!"

Models...

(Talking about how she looks kind of like Cintia Dicker, a model)

Cat Matt: So all I need to do is be anorexic and get lip injections and I'll be fine, right?

Word Play

(via AIM)

Kai: "Ever notice how 'ostracism' has 'racism' in it?"
Kai: "Where does the 'ost' come from?"
Kai: "Ostrich?"
Rissa: "Yes."
Rissa: "It's the hatred of Blacks and large birds."

I see London, I see France...I see Kai's underpants!

Kai: Pumpkins, or robots?

...I really need more grown-up underwear. But pumpkins, or robots?

Kent: Robots.

Kai (via AIM): I just spelled "coffee" "O-R-C-E-R-R-F"

Oh Childhood Memories...

Cat Matt: I remember those...

Kent: I was never coordinated enough for those.

Kai: Isn't that a jump rope?

kinsey in da house

Lola: I know Tanner and I...
Crystal: WHAT?
Lola: huh?
Crystal: I thought you were going to say "hooked up."
Lola: NO!
Crystal: I was about to say-- DISCUSSION TIME! COMPUTERS DOWN!

Lola: Everyone's gay... except for Marissa.

Riss: Why am I always the not gay one?

Lola: Because you're always the only not gay one.

Riss: Oh.

Marquela: Lola fail.

Lola: OH NO! Now you're saying it too!

Vag!

(Cat Matt talking about her possibly homophobic friend coming visit)

Cat Matt: Don't freak Anna out.

Kent: How would I freak her out? I have a boyfriend.

Cat Matt: Don't like, talk about your vagina.

CatMatt: I've used "Mother Nature" like 5 times in this paragraph.

Lola: Say "The Divine Feminine"

CatMatt: What the fuck are you talking about? Your vagina?

Kent: Are you two drinking?
Lola: No, of course not! We're doing homework!
Kent: Did I say drinking? I meant thinking!

Riss: I just want to get married and have a baby. Is that asking so much?

Lola: You're a bad Smithie.

Kent: I hate kids.

Lola: You're a good Smithie.

Riss: I have to piss... DOES THAT MAKE ME A GOOD SMITHIE?!

While watching Legally Blonde:

Cat Matt: This would never happen.

Kent: Why?

Cat Matt: Because you don't get smart in like, four scenes.

(Cat Matt and I were in Wal-Mart looking at journals. I handed her a small one that I thought was nice.)

Cat Matt: *offended voice* I have more thoughts than that!

It's gonna be a real party...

(on AIM)
Kai: "We're going to hell, just so you know."
Rissa: "Yeah, well we're having fun on the way there."
Kai: "True story."
Rissa: "so Satan can put on a pot of coffee cuz I'm gonna get the party started."

(talking about cover letters)

Cat Matt: I feel like a baby lamb.

Cat Matt: .. I just want to live in a fucking field.

Camatt: I want to be a gay man

Kai: They can do that now you know.

Back to Late Late Nights

(on AIM)
Rissa: "OK I think I'm going to call it a night."
Kai: "Okie doke. Have fun in dreamland. Hopefully I'll see you there before 2:30AM. That sounds creepy. Forget I said that."
Rissa: "OK. Goodnight."

Kai: You can do it better than I can.
Crystal: That's what she-- oh wait. No, she wouldn't say that.

(Cat Matt and I were discussing how I don't believe in God, and she asked if I would pray to God if I was going to die.)

Kent: I prayed to God once when I had cramps...

Oh the conversations we have in Fussers...

Cat Matt decided to name our boobs and vags. Here is the list.

Cat Matt: Vag - Claudia. Boobs - Anastasia and Zoe.

Kent: Vag - Penelope. Boobs - Ariel and Sebastian.

Tanner: Vag - Daphne. Boobs - Penelope and Jasmine.

Lola: Vag - Juliet. Boobs - Agnes and Dorothy.

what a great idea

Lola: I really just want to knit all day.
Chera: Do it on your day off.
Lola: I get a day off?
Chera: You should! God did.

Crystal on her birthday: I feel like I'm going to take off my shirt or something

God forbid..

Lola: This is special! it only happens ONCE a year!

Kent: That's what she said!!

Oscars are SOOOOO Emotional...

(watching an acceptance speech)
CatMatt: "OMG. I'm crying."
Kent: "Why are you crying?"
CatMatt: "Shut up! I'm on my period."

You sure about that?

Lola: Yeah, because Wednesday is Good Friday.

Tanner: According to my diagnostic, I can get into the med school that's in the middle of North Dakota. I don't think I want to go to that one.

it's five o'clock somewhere...

"It's a Thursday night."
"Uh, that doesn't make a difference."
"It's 5:00."
"Yeah.. that's got nothing to do with it either."
"You're under 21."
"Again, nothing to do with it."

Great Things Happen at Dinner...

Marissa: (talking about the basis of Judaism) The more you do, the holier you are.

Kent: That's what she said!

-------------------------------------------------

Cat Matt: My finger is green.

Kent: Did you finger a sick Smurf?

Cat Matt: No, a leprechaun.

and another guest quote

on whether or not to apply to internships in DC...
Lola: The Sox play the Nationals June 23-26!
... Okay, now I am making life decisions based on being able to see the Sox play at face value. I think I need help.
Amy: You're beyond help.
Amy: Remember. God's most pathetic creature.

Terry is looking for the wireless signal:

Terry: Just find it! Ohhh yesss.

Riss: That's what she said!!!!

Donkey: Aren't you friends with Crystal too?

Terry: No, Crystal's not on Twitter.

Terry to Marissa as she is digging through the garbage: Wow, you're really digging in down there.

Marissa still in the trash: That's what she said.

(sips Marissa's cup)
Kai: "It tastes like watered down grape juice."
Kent: "It DOES taste like grape juice. Tastes like Jew."

(as Helena is un-buttoning Dylan's shirt on the L-Word)

Kent: Oh snap! Oh snap Oh snap!

Lola: Oh UNsnap!

(on Twitter)

Tanner: AHHH, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY VERBAL REASONING SCORE?!?!

Lola: you talked too much & used up all of your words.

Tanner: Marissa's either being really productive or really non-productive.
Marissa: I'm googling my name.
Tanner: Non productive.

I speak good...

Kai: *stumbles over a sentence* English is my bad language.

Kent: Then what's your good language?

Kai: Ebonics?

So strange...

(about Kai & Kent's big bed)
MaryCeline: "Aww! It's a love nest!"

Hmm...

Will (to Sigma): "Sit up straight so I can read under your boobs."

Does she do Group Work?

(on AIM)
Rissa: "and then she said 'conquerization.' And I was like 'OMG you're stupid.'"

She's still saying it...

(watching Top Chef)
Kai: "Thicker is always better than thinner."
Crystal: "That's what she said."

Said the Jewish girl...

Rissa: (on the phone with mom) "No, I want my money back."
Kent: "Jew."

Rissa: Ryan and I are going bowling. which is going to be hilarious because my hands are too small for the balls.
Lola: That's what she said.
Rissa: I couldn't think of any way of phrasing it that wouldn't elicit that response.
Lola: There wasn't.

Marissa to Lola: Bitch. I mean, I love you.

Silent Treatment

Crystal: Kent, if you're speaking to Cat Matt could you please tell her that her hair looks nice today?

Kent: *laughing* Crystal, I told you we were speaking to her again!

Crystal: Oh, we are?

Kent: Yeah, I told you at lunch.

Crystal: Oh, okay. Cat Matt, your hair looks nice today.

another guest quote

Lola: You still take Flintstone's vitamins?
Lola's Brother: Yeah...
Lola: Don't you know that your vitamin needs have changed since you were five?
Lola's Brother: But it's the brand I trust.

Oh Fussers...

Cat Matt: Let's like, plan a revolution.

Kent: I have to do my homework.

Rissa: Mmm I want steak, potatoes, and beer.

Lola: Mmm that sounds so good.

Rissa: ... except you're a vegetarian.

Lola: Yeah, and I don't like mashed potatoes.

Rissa: So basically you just want a beer.

Lola: Yeah

Cat Matt: *strange noises*

Emily R: What's wrong with her?

Kent: She's a crackhead.

Kai: She's Cat Matt.

Tanner: I got bored of studying. So I decided to masturbate.

I Feel Pretty...

Kent: We look pretty. Why are we here?

Cat Matt: I don't know.

Kent: Why aren't we out getting hit on by ugly, creepy men?

Jews!

Kent: I found these great boots at Payless, but they were like $40.

Cat Matt: That's cheap for boots.

Kent: Yeah, but I didn't have $40. Well, I had $40, but I didn't want to spend it.

Cat Matt: What's that a characteristic of?

Kent: A Jew?

Cat Matt: Yeah, that's right.

Pwned

(Talking about the REALLY TALL BOY who wanted Marissa at Immorality)

Marissa: I think eventually he got the hint...more like a smack on the head.

Kent: Could you reach his head?

Standing outside Talbot..

Lola: Oh my god, that's like hell warming over.

CatMat: Uhh..

Lola: Well, whatever. I think of this as hell. *looks out at all the snow*

Lola: We're having roomate study/be quiet time.
Crystal: Wait what? Oh, for a second I thought you said you were having roommate problems.
Lola: No...
Crystal: Phew! Because if you two are having roommate problems, there isn't hope for anyone.


(it wasn't funny... but it made our day :D)

Guest Quote

This was just too good not to put up.. from one of my friends from back home.

"and i want muthafuckin earth shattering, slam me against a tree/wall/back of a shower/what the hell ever, scream you name, want you to pull my hair and don't stop shit. and YES that might only be in movies, but just laying there, moving my hips, it hurting when it goes in, hurting with it goes deep, and thats it? i mean.. is my life really that mundane?

14:59

im a housewife before im 20!"

Take away its credit card...

Rissa: "Ooh a charging octopus, there's a new visual."
Kai: "...."
Rissa: "History Channel."

(On Twitter)

Kent: POETRY. MAKES. ME. WANT. TO. DIE.

Marissa: THEN. DON'T. BE. AN. ENGLISH. MAJOR.

Kent: I. AM. NOT. GOING. TO!

Making Sense You Are...

Rissa: "I wish there were a way I could work the word 'gay' into 'Massachusetts' without sounding stupid. You know, because of gay marriage."
Kai: "..."
Rissa: "Am I only making sense to me again?"

Abreevs are awes

(spelled phonetically for effect)
CatMatt: "When are you having the serj........err-ee?"

I am SO on my game tonight.

CatMatt: "Do we really need to know what an adjective is anyway?"
Kai: "Sometimes you need to know what adjectives are. Like when you're playing MadLibs."

-------------

Kai: "Go ask them for some cookies."
Kent: "No! I don't think they like me very much."
Kai: "Who?"
Kent: "The cookie people."
Kai: "You make them sound like little fantasy creatures that fly out of the oven."

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow...

Sniquer: "Why is it still snowing?"
Crystal: "I know! Where is it all coming from? There's piles of it everywhere, I don't understand! How is there any left?"

Mother-fuckin P-I-M-P

Tanner: My Dad is a fucking pimp

Crystal on Prince: It's like sexy time music

Superbowl announcer: He's one of those guys that will get penetration

Crystal, Kent, Kai, Marissa, Marquela, Lola, and Tanner: That's what she said!!!

Possible Rissa Fail?

(Rissa is wearing an eye patch because she scratched her own eye)

Rissa: "I just smashed into my lamp because I have no depth perception!!"
Kai: "You need to like, baby-proof your room for yourself."
Rissa: "Except every time I go to put tape on the sharp corners I'll miss."

I wake up in the Morning...

(referring to potato pancakes for brunch)

Kent: "I fucking love non-Jews! They make me Jew food for breakfast because they don't know it's not Chanukah!"

Marissa: I found my dream job! Guess where it is?
Crystal: Starbucks?
Marissa: No...

Kent: I was a fat black baby

Kent: Actually, I was kind of Asian, too.

Kent: If he has time to sit around and draw comics and post them on LiveJournal then he does NOT have a girlfriend.

(talking about Bloody Marys)

Riss: It tastes kind of like Spaghetti-os.

Kent: I don't want to drink alcoholic Spaghetti-os.

Analogy Fail

Riss: How would you feel if Kent and I were getting stitches added to us and you were getting knit across?

Kent: I don't think that analogy followed through.

Auntie Em, Auntie Em...

(wind roars outside the window of Fussers)

Kent: (whispering across the room to CatMatt) "The world is ending!"
Peace: (speaking normally) "The world isn't ending. I've got babies to make, I don't have time for the world to end."

Thank you, Peace

(sarcastically talking about transitioning being the "easy way out")

Kai: "Yeah, I'm really looking forward to that male-pattern baldness. I really wanna be able to put sunscreen on my head."
Peace: "Like bird poop!"

-something witty-

(discussing the relationship of two housemates)

Kai: "That's...vomit-worthy. Not like gushy, cute vomit. Like food poisoning vomit."

(after going up to the fourth floor)
Tanner: I think Lamont might be closer.

Day 2 of the semester...and already doing work at midnight

Kai: "Shit! I still need to think of three social movements I want to research!"
Lola: "Pet rocks."
Kai: "That wasn't really a social movement so much as a pop culture trend."
Lola: "Sure it was. It was a movement against live pets."

Kai: Hey Lola, my sweater is made out of your bunny!

Lola: YES!!

And so it begins...

(via AIM)

Marissa: "OMG I am so close to telling them to shut the fuck up."
Marissa: "Maybe in not so many words."
Kai: "Like what? ONE less?"
Marissa: "Yeah."

To PMS or not to PMS....please say no.

Kai: "You're PMSing."
Kent: "I am NOT!!"
Kai: "You told me the other day you were PMSing!?"
Kent: "No I didn't!!" (pause) "I did? WHAT DAY IS IT?!"

Who needs grammar anyway?

(discussing the sudden increased use of "zeeky" on Smith campus)

Kent: "Maybe it's a cumulative adjective they use for everything?"
CatMatt: "What's an adjective?"

Mmm Play-Doh

Kai: You smell like Play-Doh. Were you eating Play-Doh?

Kent: I have Play-Doh in my room...

Kai: Were you eating it??

Kent: No!

Boobs

(My boobs have been hurting. Caitlin says it means they're growing. Hah.)

Kent: I'm looking up why boobs hurt. *Types "boobs" into Google* Ahhhh!! Porn!!

Lindsey: Did you type in just "boobs?"

Kent: Yes!

Lindsey: You never type in just "boobs!"

Hipsters

Cat Matt: Should I become a hipster?

Kent: No.

Cat Matt: Why not?

Kent: It's expensive.

Tanner: I'm quiet sometimes.

Chera: When you sleep.

(Lindsey and Caitlin were talking about smoking, and Marta jumped into the conversation and asked what they were talking about. I, being me, said something random.)

Kent: She was smoking with her vag.

Marta: Wait, really?

Kent: (cracking up) Marta...your vag can't breathe in...

Discussing Kent & Kai Switching Rooms With Cat Matt

Kai: So that we don't have to sleep on this bed anymore and we can have a bigger one.

Kent: So that I can move out of my vag-pot room.

Wal-Mart Adventures

Lola: Elizabeth!

Kent: What?

Lola: Not you, the movie. I don't call you Elizabeth, I call you Kent.

Kent: Oh right, I just shouldn't respond.

Live from Washington...

(watching the Inauguration of Barack Obama)

Kai: "How the hell do you get camera angles like that?!"
Kent: (not missing a beat) "Ninjas."

Kai: Would you mind if our seats were kind of high?

Riss: Not at all... as long as I can run down and show Ellsbury my boobies!

Movie Madness

(via AIM)

Me: "Rated R for 'graphic brutal horror violence and grisly images throughout, some strong sexuality, graphic nudity'...so basically is rated R for sex, violence, and gore."

Crystal: "Perfect."

Yummy

(while watching A Double Shot at Love and discussing nasty foods contestants are forced to eat)

Blue: Mmm, buffalo penis...

(On my very very Christian friend who believes that girls should not stick things up *there*)

Kai: Tell him to remove the Bible from his ass so his boyfriend will have better access.

Lola and Rissa - 0, Hangover - 1

Lola (via text): Mission aborted. Lola and Marissa fail. Hangover win. We'll come another time!

(after a slightly drunken and misguided night.)
Lola: I had my beer goggles on. And my Smith goggles.
Rissa: Beer goggles plus Smith goggles equals two blind girls.

The New Dr. Phil

Lola on Twitter: 

"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate." - Jack Sparrow could write a self-help book. I'd read it.