If you know what I mean...

While carrying a large box that belongs to Kai:

Caitlin: I like your package.

Kent: Thanks.

Caitlin: It's very large.

Kent: It's not mine, it's Kai's.

(Molly and Heather burst out laughing.)

HEATWAVE!!!!

Kai: "I've given up pleasantries when it comes to scratching my ass in public. Maybe I get away with it because I'm a man, but I just don't give a shit. It's too fucking hot."

No further explanation needed...

Cat Matt: Why did you Google his name?

MC: I have a paper to do.

Sploosh

Catmatt: Should I make sploosh?

Riss: What's Sploosh?

Lola: Goldfish and Ramen.

Catmatt: No, it's WAY more complicated than that.

tv fail.

Lola: He totally just played with his junk on national television.

I like old, dead people..

Cat Matt: Oh my god, Alexander Hamilton was SO hott!

Lola: Yeah, I know!

*while listening to Fergilicious*
Marissa: Sometimes when I listen to this song, I sing 'Rissalicious' instead of "Fergilicious"

Marissa: Everyone grab one boob, so you can't tell one of mine has a problem.
...
KENT, CONFORM!!!

Lola: I think he's gay though. Or at least ragingly bisexual.

Professional MadLibs

Lola: Help me finish this sentence. It's like MadLibs... only it's an application.

so many unanswered questions

Tanner: Can I borrow our moustache?
Lola: Sure. Wait.... 'our' moustache?
Tanner: Did I say that? I meant to say 'the' moustache.
(beat)
Why do we have a moustache anyway?
Lola: I made it.
Tanner: NO WAY!
(beat)
Why did you make a moustache??

Sweet...

Kai: "jooooos"
Caitlin: "It's what you get when you squeeze a synagogue."

Do you really want a baby that badly?

(Walking by the Campus School)

Cat Matt: They're a little too old to steal.

Who's a little homo?

Kent: "That's gay."
Kai: "You're gay."
Kent: "Only half."

Poh-tay-to, poh-tah-to

(debating over the pronunciation of the candy)
Computer speak: "Rees-is Pieces"
Crystal: "Yes! The crazy computer lady confirmed it!"

Riss: If we could take my boobs and your butt and put them in the same person

Crystal: We'd have to beat our husbands off with a stick

Catmatt: How do you spell "inconceivable"?

Kent: I-N-C-O-N-C-E-I-V-A-B-L-E

Catmatt: Nice job, man.

Kent: Thanks, I won a spelling bee in the 5th grade.

Sand?

Cat Matt: Sand...sand...

Kent: Sand?

Cat Matt: Sand.

Rissa: That was deep. Thank you.

Kent: That's what she said!

Overheard from Fussers

Crystal: Is Kent coming?

Rissa: No, she's not hungry.

Crystal: But it's dinner time.

Rissa: I know, but she's not hungry.

Jess: What is bisque anyway?

Leah: It's when you take something hard and make it soft

Don't ask...

Kai: I woke up and you were taking my pants off!

Kent: You were asleep!?

It's a Love/Hate Relationship

Kai: It's so nice out. There's like, birds and shit.

(2 minutes later)

Kai: The birds just came out and already I want to shoot them all.

Lola: I have had two bottles of diet coke, two cans, and a double tall latte. I am never sleeping tonight.
Marissa: I idolize you right now.

Smokers' Corner

(discussing CatMatt being my smoking buddy, via AIM)

Kai: "Cuz you're...well, you're not normal...but you're personable and...well, not human...but you get what I mean."
CatMatt: "Yeah, I feel you."

Lola: Why did you just honk?
Lola's Brother: That car's bumper sticker said "honk if you like cheese."

Catmatt: Oh GOD! That's the most disgusting thing I've ever eaten!

Sophie: What was it?

Catmatt: A green thing.

Kent: There's a creepy Asian guy outside the door.

Catmatt: Yeah, I ordered food.

Easter from a Jewish Perspective

Sophie: Why would you hide eggs?

Kent: Because that's what you do on Easter, hide shit.

Blue: Someday my mosquito bites will turn into juicy juicy mangoes.

Blue on living in Korea:

We lived in the outskirts of a small town outside of a slightly larger small town outside of a city... We just ate a lot of squid.

Men are Apes

Kent: So you think men are apes for fighting, but you like to watch them fight?

Rissa: Yes, I enjoy seeing that I'm a superior being.

Silly straight girl...

Rissa: I will never be fucked by a woman.

Kent: Sucks for you.

Ouch...

Rissa: I like getting waxes.
Lola: Yeah, it's soothing.
Kent: Getting the hair ripped out of your vag is SOOTHING!?
Rissa: Have you ever tried it?
Lola: Don't knock it till you try it.

Lola: I'm listening to Taylor Swift because the only way I can deal with death and genocide...

Kent: Is with Taylor Swift?

Lola: Yes.

(Lola starts dancing.)

Kent: Nice dance moves.

Lola: I'm so white.

Tanner: Guys have asked me if I have a slanted vagina.

Kent: What? You have a slanted vagina?

Tanner: NO! I have a normal vagina!

MO-rissa!!

Kent: What, you'll collaborate with my vagina but you won't make out with me? I'm offended!

[two minutes later]

Kent: Well if you can't make out with me, you can't handle my vagina anyway!

Riss: I like your slippers.

Kent: Thank you.

Riss: They're like purple people eaters.

Kent: So's your mom.

Filling out something on the internet:

Lola: Gender - male or female. They're so heteronormative.

...Granted, I am female.

Riss: We can't get shitfaced on the first day of Finals!

Lola: Sure we can! We have self-scheduled exams!

Caitlin: I just looked up 'masculine' in the dictionary, and the synonyms were... strong, powerful...
Crystal: Heteronormative...

More on Peeing...

Kai: I just took the most EPIC pee!

Sophie: It's like THIS close to masturbation.

Kai: It's like God coming out of your bladder and falling into the toilet

Where's Bobby?

Kai: "There is nothing wrong with a straight man liking Whitney Houston. She's a very talented singer. Well, she was a talented singer. Now she's just a kookoo."

Quitters don't quit.

Kai: I can quit quitting because it's not actually quitting.

Fuck the fucking fuckers...

Kai (via AIM): The vending machine ate my money and when I tried to buy a snack it got stuck...so I lost $1.25 to the fucking science building vending machine and some fucker is gonna get my Peanut M&Ms.