the butch rules (edited & expanded)

1. Butches don't cry.
2. Focus on your naked woman.
3. Suck it up with a butch tap.
4. Butches always eat blue cotton candy.
5. Butches always light their own cigarettes.
5A. It's ok for one butch to light another butch's cigarette, then it's butch bonding.
6. Treat your woman right.
7. Sometimes even a butch has to wear a dress.
8. Butches always open their own stuff.
9. Butches don't ask for directions.

Rules of Being Butch, according to Crystal & Kent, a.k.a. Talbot Mensa's resident butches

1. Butches don't cry.
2. Focus on your naked woman.
3. Suck it up with a butch tap.
4. Butches always eat blue cotton candy.
5. Butches always light their own cigarettes.
5A. It's ok for one butch to light another butch's cigarette, then it's butch bonding.
6. Respect your woman.
7. Sometimes even a butch has to wear a dress.

it's not hard to dream you'll always be my Konstantine

Lola: SoCo is already sold out
Kent: I just died
Lola: They might add more tour dates
Kent: Am dead
Lola: I'll make sure they play SoCo at your funeral
Kent: This is like if the Red Sox broke up and got together for one more season and it sold out

J-Tom: I think I'm actually gonna do this, goddamn.
Everyone in Fussers: Yay! Sushi Cat!
J-Tom: Actually, I was talking about Comparative Literature.

Lola: I should call them "women accused of lesbian activity."
Kent: Accused? That's a little harsh.
Lola: They were in concentration camps.

AIDS isn't funny.......UNLESS

(via AIM)
Crystal: "I always wanna say I love AIDS. You can't say that, though."
Kai: "No. No you can't."

Road Trippin'

Tanner: "I'm going to Boston tomorrow night."
Kai: "Eliot?"
Tanner: "Huh? No. Concert. I haven't talked to Eliot in I don't know how long."
Kai: "Oh...OK! Have fun then! I would've said that for Eliot too...but regardless!"

(via AIM)

Kent: I'm painting my desk
Kai: why?
Kent: I'm painting it rainbow
Kai: nvm lol

Truth!

(via AIM)
Kai: "OMG. I think Swag ran in circles too many times."
Rissa: "hahaha."
Kai: "She's lost her fucking mind right now."
Rissa: "Oh. I thought you were talking about the department. And the theoretical writings."

Feelin' HOT HOT HOT...

Kai: "Warm I don't mind. I don't like hot. Unless it's coffee. Or my women."

I'll do anything for food...

Kent to Kai, via AIM: If I'm not getting free pizza out of it, I don't need sketchy guys checking me out.

there was tequila involved, too

Elaine, Erica's Roommate: What school are you at, again?
Lola: Smith.
Erica, Lola's BFF since 7th grade: *fondly* My little preppy lesbian.

It's not alcoholism if you're not drinking alone

Kent: Yeah, I have class tomorrow *pours a shot.*

The Way to the Heart...

Kai: "Chocolate is the food of love, and the greatest comfort after human-to-human contact."
Crunch: "And mac 'n cheese."

French Homework

Shari-Marie: Why are teeth feminine? Oh right, because vaginas have teeth.

Burn!

Kai: I'll have sex with you if you write my paper.

Kent: Not worth it.

Kai: Owww.

Kent: What?

Kai: The hair on my stomach is poking through my shirt...and I didn't realize that's what it was until I pulled it out.

Kai: My computer is racist.

Kent: How?

Kai: It capitalizes "Caucasian."

Kent: Aren't you supposed to capitalize "Caucasian?"

Kai: No...well, you can, but you don't have to. My computer forces it upon me.

extremely out of context fyi

kai: wow lola, that's really good.
lola: what?
kai: your vagina.
lola: it's cute, isn't it??

Don Quixote is the new Captain Morgan

(via AIM)
Kai: "Somehow I feel you would do something like this while drunk: (268): she thought 'don quixote' was a type of tequila."
Lola: "I KNOW WHO HE IS! I wouldn't confuse Don Quixote with a type of tequila."
Lola: "But I'm flattered that you thought of me."